Stand or Fall – The Weaponization of Kindness

Many people have asked why this country has become so divided with very little middle ground that people can stand on. I’ve thought about this a lot and I have one big answer:

The weaponization of kindness.

Kindness can be used as a weapon against someone when another person comes at them saying their kindness towards others, their compassion and empathy, their belief in doing something good in life to help others, is wrong. It’s when kindness, compassion, and empathy are seen as weak. It’s when someone is trying so hard to be everything to everyone is repeatedly told that they’ll never be good enough for anyone, that no matter how much they do, it will never be enough. Most of all, it’s when someone is trying to live in a way that is kind, trying to be supportive and encouraging, and comforting, that instead of being treated like that in return, they’re rejected and told their feelings don’t matter at all and that no one wants to hear what they have to say.

It’s like when a child starts to cry, or says they’re sad or they’re scared, and instead of comforting the child or talking them through their feelings, an adult will yell and scream at them, tell them to stop crying or they’ll give them something to cry about. That’s not ‘toughening up’ a child, or making them strong and resilient. It’s teaching that child their thoughts and feelings don’t matter at all, and that no one really cares about them unless they’re silent and compliant with doing what they’re told and nothing more. It teaches a child to grow into an adult who builds a wall of silence around their thoughts and feelings, a child that grows into an adult who tries desperately to hide their true feelings about everything in their life. Worst of all, it makes a child turn into an adult who feels like they can’t do anything right because if they make one mistake, say one thing that someone vehemently disagrees with, then all the good that child and adult have done means nothing.

And yes, I’m talking about myself here but in the context of social and political issues for me it was growing up seeing the rise of right-wing conservativism, of evangelical Christianity turned inside-out into the complete opposite of the teachings of Jesus Christ himself. I watched all of this rise up fueled by a constant stream of hatred, fear-mongering, anger and rage, and worst of all, when kindness, compassion, and empathy were turned against people and were made to be ‘weak’, or ‘woke’ now in the twenty-first century vernacular.

As a child and a young adult, I learned history and saw that non-violence could change the world for the better. I learned how the first social safety nets in this country were created under Franklin Roosevelt in the 1930’s to alleviate poverty and were continued on in the 1960’s under Lyndon Johnson’s Great Society programs. I grew up with stories of the American Dream- the house in a tree-lined suburb, a family able to live on income if they chose to, a vacation once a year, and a retirement plan. Then I watched all that almost completely destroyed simply because by the 1960’s, there were people who wanted that for all Americans, not just white-Angle-Saxon-heterosexual Christians, but for people of color and immigrants, women, and gays and lesbians. That’s when the shit hit the fan starting in the 1970’s and went full-speed in the 1980’s.

I have never been as open about my thoughts and feelings until the last few years after I broke my silence. I desperately wanted to be more involved in the world than I was and I wasn’t because I was scared shitless of being told I was a weak-ass piece of shit for caring about other people. I was afraid my bleeding-heart liberalism would be used against me to show how weak I was, how flaky I was, and that I could not handle any real responsibility. So I stayed quiet, took shit for that and took on all the responsibility I did but felt like shit for doing it.

I have asked myself why I think and feel the way I do about many things, and one big thing I asked myself was why did I feel like it was wrong to stand up for justice, for truth, to try and be compassionate and kind. I asked myself why I still believe in the good of this world even though I won’t blow sunshine up my ass or anyone else’s and have faith in the good in people. My answers always came back to not being wrong, or bad, or stupid for being kind, for wanting to live in a better world, and find a way to make that possible. I’m still learning and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

If you have ever lashed out at a child or an adult for being sad or scared, if you have ever thought that pain and suffering was justified, and if you have, or even still feel that kindness, compassion, and empathy are weak, ask yourself why, and keep asking until you find all the answers. Break down the rigid conformist way of thinking and feeling, dissolve anger and hatred and instead think through the reasons behind that.

And remember this:

“Hate, it has caused a lot of problems in the world, but has not solved one yet.” -Maya Angelou.