There’s an old saying of ‘waiting for the other shoe to drop’. Today, it’s waiting for the other shoe to kick us in the ass or come flying straight at our faces. That’s life today and that’s why so many of us have trouble doing things we want to, or worse, feeling like abject failures if all we did was spend our days putting out fires and dodging those damn shoes coming at us from both the front and behind us. I mean, I know damn well shit happens on a daily basis but it still sucks, it’s still depressing as shit, and yes, I still get pissed off over it.
And for me, for some dumb-ass bullshit reason, I used to think I just had to be a human blob and wait for those shoes to come at me. That I think is the problem many of us may have: we think we just have to wait for those shoes to come at us and that if we try to do something else someone asshole will come along and tell us to sit down and shut the fuck up and take our punishments.
There is an age-old question of why bad things happen to good people and the answers are for the most part, bullshit. I understand about being in the wrong place at the wrong time but I have begun to realize that a lot of shit happens because people in positions of power and influence shouldn’t be there in the first place. That a lot of things in this world are just not done well and that the people who should give a shit and make the necessary changes to make lives easier, either honestly don’t know how to do that, or are true sadists and don’t give a shit and just think the rest of the world needs to suck it up and eat shit until we all die.
In almost twenty-years in call-center Hell, I saw a ton of policies and procedures that were inefficient at best and at worst, were deliberately designed to be hard on people. Automation was supposed to help us but in reality, it wasn’t capable of more than any super-basic function. But worst of all were the people in charge of things. At best, they were just clueless and honestly didn’t know what they were doing and at worst, were more concerned with covering their own asses and more than willing to run people over in the process.
For example, on 9/11 I was working in my first call-center job when callers started telling us what was happening. And what did my manager do? Call a freaking meeting to go over some stupid bullshit and say planes flying into buildings and shit wasn’t a big deal. I wish I had stood up told her off and walked off that job but I was too much of a fucking dumb-ass back then to do that. I thought my job was more important than anything else. So trust me, when that place went under I didn’t mourn, and when I got fired from there I survived.
I think at times there is a concerted effort made to get people not to give a damn about what really matters in this world. My father used to say not to sweat the small stuff because it was all small stuff. I would say instead that it’s okay to sweat out the big shit in life but not the little minute bullshit of being afraid to lose your job every five damn minutes or just for saying something intelligent that someone else can’t handle.
I will freely admit here I hate having to work around some stupid inefficient bullshit in order to do what I need to do. I hate having to deal with one hand not knowing what the other is doing. And what really pisses me off is there are assholes in this world who expect me to shut up and wait while they fuck around and be useless.
Maybe I shouldn’t be so damn mean and cynical about people right now but it’s the assholes that do ruin shit. And yes, I know they’re in the minority but boy can they fuck things up. We have to stop deferring to authority figures who are inefficient assholes now and work our asses off to get them out of positions of power. And we have to stop letting ourselves think that we just have to sit and take shit because that’s how things work.
So to anyone reading this right now: if you feel like you just have to sit and wait for the next shoe to come at you, don’t. Do what you want to do while waiting on some asshole to shit or get off the pot as my father used to day. Or keep doing what you need to do and once that asshole gets off the pot then take your sweet time in attending to them. Most of all, if someone mouths off at you for doing this, walk away because telling them to ‘fuck off’ won’t stop them for being assholes.
In the end, I’m really trying to take my own advice here. If I’ve got a problem that’s a snarly mess I sit around and let my mind run around in circles thinking I have to be ready to jump whenever someone decides to get back to me. But instead, I’m going to vent here and hope that other people will be able to vent off my words. Then I’m going to take some deep breaths and get my racing heart and brain under control.
To this world and the assholes in it: keep your damn shoes on and quit throwing them at people. Because as of now, I’m catching these damn shoes and throwing them back where they came from.