Dear Millennials

I just read another opinion piece by some hack academic (no, I’m not going to link to it because it’ll waste your time) that says millennials might grow up now that they’ve survived a pandemic. It says before you were all were a bunch of lazy twats who didn’t want to grow up and always ran home to your boomer mommies and daddies whenever things got hard. In reality, you were fed you a huge line of shit and us Gen X’ers have the perfect response for you to use when some boomer-hack comes at you and calls you a lazy doofus who doesn’t want to grow up:

Fuck off.

Yep. Two words that make it very clear what you think about the various lines of bullshit you have been fed for so long and the truths you discovered instead such as: student loans have to be repaid along with a shit-ton of interest, there won’t be enough office jobs for all of you so if you can, switch to a trade because God knows there are plenty of jobs there. Forget about buying a house because those things are money-pits. And most of all, if anyone gives you shit for trying to survive and raise a family on $12 an hour, tell them to fuck off.

Now millennials you might be asking, why does Gen X have the attitude it does? And why doesn’t anyone write articles about Generation X?

Well, the answer to the first question is that Gen X’ers were the first and so far, only feral generation. We came home alone before we hit double-digits in age, rode busses and subways in cities before we hit double-digits, or drove pickup trucks on country roads before we hit double-digits. We learned to feed ourselves courtesy of microwaves and boxed food. We learned to run washing machines and vacuum the house before our parents got home. We learned how to work the cable remote, the VCR, and monster stereo systems. Later, we learned how to work computers and write computer code. For the most part grown-ups ignored us, or sneered at us and wrote us off before we made it out of high school.

Because of this in answer to your second question, even some of the dumbest pundits know you don’t come for Generation X unless we send for you. Because in addition to learning skills to survive the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse or nuclear war, we were also listening to punk rock, heavy metal, and rap and hip hop music. We got our attitude from our records and cassettes, and later on cd. Our movie heroes had big guns, one-liners, and loved to blow shit up.

Generation X redefined cynicism and rebellion all at once. We redefined it by being self-sufficient as hell and ready to flip the bird if anyone tried to come at us. We prefer to be left alone because we had shit to do and we could amuse ourselves, too. We’re a sandwich generation now in that a lot of us are taking care of kids and parents. We’re in the most debt, and know we’ll work till we die then our bosses will hold a séance to see if we can get someone to cover our shift from beyond the grave.

Now I really do think Millennials took it in the shorts though I will admit they’re like the Boomers minus the post-war prosperity and 50’s/60’s/70’s music. A lot of Millennials are whining a little too much and need to just go on YouTube to learn how to do shit they can’t seem to figure out on their own (I find the word ‘adulting’ amusing and stupid at the same time). Also, Millennials, you all need to vote and make sure everyone else can vote, too. And wash your hands and get your damn shots when you need to. Don’t buy into that anti-vax conspiracy theory-shit and fuck things up even more.

But not to worry because Gen X and their kids, Gen Z are ready to clean up everyone else’s mess. We’ll do the laundry and take out the trash, and make dinner and get to work on time.

So my dear Millennials, you’re going to be okay as long as you keep your shit together and do the right thing. And I think you’re pretty lucky because you have YouTube and the internet to find out things with so use your resources and don’t shit on the natural resources of this world.

Sincerely,

Generation X, some of whose members invented Google and YouTube 😊

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