My Go Fund Me Fundraiser

gf.me/u/zjamfh

I’ve started a GoFundMe campaign because I’m running short on funds and I’ve got stuff due, like the rental car I drive and my mini-storage unit. Click HERE if you would like to contribute, and I will be forever grateful for any donation.

I started this fundraiser because of the huge winter storm I am enduring along with all my fellow residents in Texas though I have been fortunate so far not to lose power or water. But because my Uber driving time has been severely reduced my funds have taken quite a hit. Before this storm, my daily take was inching upward and if I had been able to maintain that upward trajectory, especially if this past weekend had been a big money-maker like it was supposed to be, I wouldn’t have initiated the fund-raiser.

Asking for help is very difficult for me. All my life I’ve been told I have a ton of pride stuck up my backside and that’s not true, and it never was. I have always felt like the expectation of me was that I was to do everything I could to take care of myself and solve my own problems. From a very early age, I was told I was clever, smart, and independent. And in the past, when I did reach out it wasn’t always met with grace and kindness.

I’ve begun to truly realize and believe if someone tells you the story behind their decision you don’t have to agree with their decision. But under no circumstances is it acceptable to relentlessly question that decision thinking that will change things. Because it won’t, and though maybe that’s not the intent of relentless questioning, that’s what it feels like. If someone opens up and tells you their story, listen with your mouth shut and your eyes and ears wide open. Like I’m repeating for emphasis here, you don’t have to agree with the decision. But you can’t change what’s already been done. Or better put, you don’t have to act like a severely-entitled customer grilling an employee to get them to change a decision they can’t (I put up with this every damn day on the phones for seventeen years and frankly I’m amazed now I didn’t go completely insane).

I will say the decisions I’ve made over the last six months or so kept me safe from covid-19, gave me the time to heal my knee (I did something to it back in August and it didn’t fully heal up until about mid-November), and right now, I’m safe and warm. So as of now, I don’t regret the decisions I’ve made and have begun to truly accept that maybe they weren’t perfect, but no one makes perfect decisions all the time.

Going forward I’ve promised myself I’m going to ask for help when I need it though if I don’t get it I’ll figure something out as I always manage to do that anyway. Also going forward I’ve stopped second-guessing myself and questioning my decisions that I’ve made, and most importantly, I’m not going to deal with anyone being a relentless a-hole type customer to me. Don’t come at me with a hammer because I’ll put my shield up, and that shield is as strong as Captain America’s against Thor’s hammer.

Tonight I’ll be thinking and praying for all the people here in Texas in the dark and the cold, scared and in pain and despair. And I’ll be in total solidarity with them when that pain and despair eventually turn to anger and rage. I will stand in solidarity with others who have suffered as we begin to hold those responsible for this disaster fully accountable once and for all. There is no defense of this suffering here tonight in Texas. I pray in the dark and the quiet that God will be there for all of us who are scared and lonely. Sometimes that’s all you can get, and that’s okay.

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