Not Afraid Enough

Yesterday, I wrote that we haven’t been afraid enough. I was talking about the covid-19 virus and all the assholes in this world who have thrust their ignorant asses into the world saying this virus doesn’t kill or maim near as much as it has.

This virus is like ‘The Terminator’ and it reminds me of what Kyle Reese told Sarah Connor when he first met her about the Terminator. He said the Terminator was a machine, and it didn’t feel pain, or pity, or remorse, and that it wouldn’t stop until she was dead. That’s what the covid-19 virus is, a Terminator and yes, we should have been scared shitless of it once we learned what it could do and how it could do it.

So why weren’t people scared shitless of something like this?

Fear.

But not fear of what they should be afraid of, which is a virus that has had tons of years to evolve and hone itself despite being a simple cellular organism. It’s fear of what other people will think of them. Now most ignorant dumb-asses won’t admit to this but I think that’s what drives a lot of misplaced fear. And fear of what other people will think of you is a fear I have lived with all my life, but in the last couple of months, I’ve realized I’ve truly let go of it.

I say let go of because that fear was one I had to work through, like untangling an incredibly-intricate set of knots of memories and emotions. I can see how hard it can be to not only work through fear and anxiety caused by mean or just ignorant dumb-asses who act like their shit doesn’t stink. But peer pressure as I was taught back in my pre-internet school days is very real. And also total fucking bullshit.

I say peer pressure is total fucking bullshit because I have learned people only have power over you if you give it to them. And we give people power over us and let them live rent-free inside our heads because they’ve barged in and shit all over us, or taken advantage of our better natures. I know there are people in this world who are truly evil and mean, people who will use their power to hurt. But they can be conquered too when we fight like hell to take their power away from them. Most of all, we can start by evicting their free-loading asses out of our heads.

I’ve lived with fear and anxiety all my life and I let it control me. I still feel both things on a daily basis but now I respond so much better to both of them, mostly telling both of them to fuck off several times a day now. But in order to reach this point I had to severely isolate myself and wall off my emotions to the world. I don’t recommend this at all because it’s very hard to do. But at the same time, isolation does burn away a lot of shit that needs to be burned to ash. This is why people chuck it all and go off into the wilderness and things like that.

My late father used to say fear is what keeps you from stepping in the path of an oncoming bus. The covid-19 virus is a speeding bus and to keep from stepping into its’ path we have to follow public health guidelines such as masks, hand washing, and social distancing because you don’t need to step into the path of something that will hurt you if given the opportunity.

But some loud-mouth ignorant asshole telling you to step into the path of a virus unprotected is NOT someone to listen to no matter how loud they’re yelling, or how hard they’re getting in your face. I think this is what’s driving a lot of anti-mask, anti-vax assholes but it’s no excuse for their behavior. To them I say this: your fear is in the wrong place for the wrong thing.

I think this last year has been my trip into the wilderness. It’s where I’ve burned away the last of the bullshit in my life. Oh, there are still a few strands clinging to me like pet fur but I can sweep those off now. What I’m feeling is a courage rising in me, something I’ve never, ever felt before in my life. It’s a courage born from pain and the burnt remnants of fear and anxiety, and evicting people from my head that weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. It’s the courage that had me telling some lecherous old man one day in a store to back up and quit breathing down my damn neck by simply saying, “Social distance. Now.” (and he backed off because I was just not having any of his kind of shit anymore in my life)

I do fear the covid-19 virus but at the same time, I know with real courage and knowledge, we can fight and win the battle against this damn virus. Now we just have to take it to the next level and fight against ignorance and misplaced fear.

Published by

One thought on “Not Afraid Enough

  1. Great post and I agree with your sentiment. I especially like “I have learned people only have power over you if you give it to them.”
    Here in the UK, the Great Plague of London in 1666 was spread by rats. Now in this modern plague we have rats too, albeit the kind you identified in your post.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s