I’m going to have a bit of fun here because I really don’t want to take this topic too seriously.
Teenage Angst: Thinking almost everyone in the world hated my guts and thought I was ugly and stupid and wouldn’t amount to anything.
Adult Crankiness: Thinking all the assholes in this world should suffer horrible intestinal issues for the rest of their lives even if they think I’m ugly and stupid and still won’t amount to anything.
Teenage Angst: Thinking that if I just fit in somehow everything will be alright.
Adult Crankiness: Assholes who say they want you to fit in won’t let you and because of that, they can go fuck themselves for all I care.
Teenage Angst: Thinking no one will ever love me so I guess I’ll go eat some worms.
Adult Crankiness: Can live without love if it comes with terms and conditions no human could ever meet in full, and I’ll eat whatever I want to (not worms).
Teenage Angst: Thinking a soaring power ballad, like for example, “How Am I Supposed to Live Without You” is brilliant songwriting and something to really ponder.
Adult Crankiness: Thinking that same power ballad is full of shit because of my single response to the question it poses: “Fabulously, you idiot. Get on with your life and find someone better than the asshole who left you high and dry.”
Teenage Angst: If someone treats you like shit give them a chance to make up for it.
Adult Crankiness: If someone treats you like shit, walk away from them because if they’re thoughtless and mean to you, they’re not going to change.
Teenage Angst: Thinking that ‘deep’ lyrics of 80’s alternative and New Wave were really deep and dark.
Adult Crankiness: Seeing that some of those were pretentious bullshit. But still liking the line from the song ‘Blasphemous Rumors’ by Depeche Mode: “But I think that God’s got a sick sense of humor” (songwriter: Martin Gore)
Teenage Angst: Thinking that it’s normal to be so far inside your head you can’t see the light out of your asshole.
Adult Crankiness: Not wanting to get inside your head because of all the boxes of shit and memories that are stacked around there blocking the light from your asshole.
Teenage Angst: Thinking satire and profanity were funny and clever.
Adult Crankiness: Thinking of satire and profanity as tools for survival, not for yourself but for other people.
Basically put, I like being a cranky adult rather than an angsty teenager. But if I could go back in time and talk to my angsty teenage-self I’d say this to her:
“No, most people don’t give two shits at all about you (Dad’s right on that one, kid). And those that do run their mouths at you will forget what they said to you five minutes after they walk away. Don’t obsess over what people think about you or say behind your back. Your parents will always have your back no matter what. And most of all, it does get better because you’ll learn how to let go of angst that’s just bullshit someone dumped on you because they could. And in a homage to the movie ‘The Graduate’ when asked what to invest in for the future, I’ll say this: Umbrellas.”