Some Thoughts on One Cup of Coffee

When I worked 411 Directory Assistance from 2003-2005, there was no such thing as Uber. If people wanted to get their drunk asses home from a bar they had to call a taxi, or 411 to connect them to a taxi company.

When I worked 411 Directory Assistance, people didn’t have smart phones so if they had a question that we would now just Google on our phones, they called us so we could Google it because some of our computers had internet access. When I told my dad this, he called them ‘bar bets’ as in most of these calls probably came from people in bars drunkenly betting on something and depending on a random stranger to have the right answer. But with my propensity for random trivia and quick recall, many of my minions merely called out the question to me and nine times out of ten I could answer it off the top of my head.

That I now refer to myself as part of the ‘original MTV generation’. I bought an MTV t-shirt a couple of days ago and as I was checking out I told the young lady behind the register about how yes, MTV really did play videos all the time. I also told her how my dad hooked up the stereo to our tv so we could blast it if we wanted to.

The first laptop I ever bought cost me $1200 dollars, weighed as much a brick, and lasted for eight years. The laptop I had before this one I’m working on now cost me $300 and lasted for about three years. What was the better value?

I don’t think anyone figured out what would bring back drive-in movie theaters in the year 2020. But then I don’t think anyone had ‘severely-mishandled pandemic’ as a possible event of 2020 either.

As I’ve said to a few Uber passengers when talking about this crazy year of 2020 so far, I’m glad we’ve got a few more years to figure out an explanation for future generations about the Great Toilet Paper Run of 2020.

I’ve read that scientists have figured out that dogs poop on a north-south axis. As someone who knows what direction I’m going in, I’ve seen my dog poop on an east-west axis sometimes. She’s either a rebel-pooper, or these scientists might need to observe more dogs.

That vinyl records would make such a comeback in 2020. But as my late father used to say, everything old is new again and everything comes around again sooner or later.

When I was a kid, you were considered conservative or liberal if you defined the following acronyms in these ways:

IRA

  • Irish Republican Army: Liberal
  • Independent Retirement Account: Conservative

CD

  • Compact Disk: Liberal
  • Certificate of Deposit: Conservative

How could you rewrite the song, ‘Walking on Sunshine’ by Katrina and the Waves for the 2020’s? I mean, it starts off with Katrina singing about going to out to the mailbox to see if she’s got letter from her honey-bun telling her when he’s going to come around (though in the song, she doesn’t specify the gender of her letter-writer).

Unlike what the Buggles sang about, video didn’t kill the radio star. But cheap-ass television executives killed the video-star by giving us cheap-ass reality tv.

We’re one year past when the first ‘Blade Runner’ movie took place and all we have is the massive pollution in that film. No flying cars but no killer androids escaping from off-world colonies.

And I took a survey this morning (it’s part of an ongoing study I’m participating in online about my social media habits during an election cycle), and there was one section where they said most people don’t get this part right. It was five statements about COVID-19 and it asked which ones were true or not. I got all five right so I guess I’m not most people and I can actually tell a fact from conspiracy-theory bullshit.

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