The phrase ‘changing your mindset’ came to me this morning and I know why. It’s what I’ve been trying to do for so long, for the last four years really. It’s not just trying to figure out why I think and feel the way I do, but how to change the ways I think and feel that aren’t working. And I will say this right here and now: that is one hell of a lot easier said than done.
The human mind is pretty adaptable but at the same time, it sure does like structure. Yet I have learned that structure can come from thinking you can’t change things in your mind. Well, you can’t do it in an instant despite having moments that feel like huge snaps in your mind. Those snaps are sharp and bright, but they’re just the beginning of change if you decide to pursue that change.
Repetition is a large part of how the human mind adapts and creates structure at the same time. When you hear something often enough you mind begins to put it into the structure, into your thought processes and emotional responses. It’s why it can take so long to change the way you think and feel because you have to create a new repetitive pattern. I know this because I am working on telling myself as often as I can what I need to hear and believe, and not what I’ve heard and believed before.
Humans for the most part are creatures of habit. We like order and structure and dependability. Yet when that order and structure is blown to hell dependability goes right along with it. And that loss of dependability is the hardest blow to recover from. I know through my own life experience nothing lasts forever, and that things don’t stay the same forever. It’s learning how to adapt while mourning that loss that makes life hard sometimes.
So do you deal with this adapting and mourning at the same time?
One way is to understand the Universe likes balance and it doesn’t matter if the balance is good and bad, or dealing with pain while moving on with life. We spend so much time running from pain so to stop and face pain, to face the fear behind the pain is a hard part of living. But it can be done, one breathe, one moment, and one day at a time.
Right now as you can read, I’m talking to myself here, thinking on screen with words. What I’m trying to work through and share here is this: I know I have a lot to do in order to get to where I want to be. And because of my past, my first thoughts and feelings are fears of what can go wrong. I’m working to change that mindset to instead tell myself I can get help and work through any problems that do come up. I have to tell myself if someone gives me shit for asking for help I can walk away from them or if I can’t do that, tell them take their shit and shove it where the sun don’t shine. But I know in my experience those assholes are in the minority, a very small minority. The vast majority of people in this world do give a shit despite being worn down pretty hard sometimes.
Okay, I slid into the raunchy part of this but sometimes I have to call it like I see it. Most of all, I want to say we can also help ourselves by breathing through fear and anxiety as it surfaces with us time and time again. Meditation isn’t about finding calm and magically solving all your problems. It’s about clearing out the bullshit and noise to find solutions to your problems.
I share this here not just for myself to see and hear, but for others. I know there many other people like me who are just trying to survive. I know a lot of people are in a world of shit as my late father used to say and we all need to know we’re not alone. For I believe in the deepest depths of pain and despair, there is hope. It might be very tiny and hard to see and feel but if you’re alive and breathing, you’ll feel it.
I believe hope is what truly guides us as human beings. I really believe that’s what makes the world a better place. I believe it’s what makes life good and bright. This is the mindset I’m always working to live by, the mindset of hope.